Sunday, May 24, 2009

It's like a disease...

It was brought to my attention that cities other than Rogers, AR are in desperate need for news. Apparently Philidelphia has recently been hit hard by this phenomena:

I'm seriously not sure what to think about that. I have never shopped in Rosemead, California. That was taken right here in Walmart Town, USA.

I swear I do not have a freakish need to be featured in the media. Just ask my agent.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Mom to mom

I've been thinking about pricing out how much it would cost to get one of those police car cage thingies installed in my minivan. Mainly to stop flying pencils from hitting me in the back of the head and also to block out the sound of "Barbie and the Diamond Castle".

Anyone already know? You could save me a lot of hassle here. I KNOW someone already has the number for a place that can do this saved on their cell phone.

You can tell'll be our little secret.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Pink Pigs

We didn't do much today.

We DID give each other pedicures.

Yes, it WAS absolutely FABulous.

I painted hers and she painted mine. Notice the "full knuckle coverage"? Only the truly FABulous get that.Maybe when we're done, we'll make some corn dogs and watch a little Oprah.

We are SO busy.

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Ethan turn 8.

We decided on Mark taking Ethan with a few friends and his brother to "Monsters vs. Aliens" and followed by a sleepover.

I'm pretty sure that 8 year old boys are the target audience for that movie, so we were guaranteed a good time...throw in the 3D glasses and it was the "BEST BIRTHDAY EVER, SISTER HUFFORD!"

I admit that somewhere in my psyche, I kept thinking I was supposed to be feeling stressed about having this sleepover. Maybe I got the idea from TV that this was a situation fraught with loudness, late nights, sugar overload and bad behavior.

Nothing could have been farther from the truth. They were so fun. They were kind to each other, they were excited to be together and we had a great time...and I even got a few "Is there anything I can do to help you, Sister Hufford?"s.

As they re-quoted the entire movie to me, they would trip over their words because they just couldn't get it out fast enough.

"oh, oh, and Sister Hufford, there was this one part when Bob went up to Ginormica and oh my gosh it was so awesome and then they were all fighting the aliens because the aliens were the bad ones and then..."

We had homemade pizza. They loved it.

We had rootbeer. 67 cents a bottle. They loved it.

They watched Ethan open his presents. They oohed and they ahhed. They were properly impressed with each gift. Ethan basked in the attention.
What other child gets this excited over a plastic lion? I loved it.

We had cake. (I'm proud that I followed his instructions for what he wanted on his cake...a stallion and a big buck". I resisted "momming in up".) Check out the look on his face when I'm lighting the sparkler candles. That's appreciation only an 8 year old boy can give.
(Why do I always light the closest candles first? youch.)Why do I have a feeling that he's wishing for a world were he can run free with the stallions and their closest friends, the big bucks? Oh, what a world that would be.

Happy Birthday, my boy. I love you and I think you are a super dupe (Hufford lingo for "you're special").

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Off my chest.

Someone pooped in my compost pile. And I mean someONE.

Before the undisclosed child could get a shovel to get it out, one of the dogs ate it. (dry heaving)

Mathew told me at the breakfast table that "there is a lady that made all her wrinkles go away. You should find out her secret"

In honor of Mother's Day, I stayed up until 2 am watching Masterpiece Theatre and eating my stash of dark chocolate covered marzipan. No regrets.

Megan has been singing the first 2 lines of "Mother, I love you, mother, I do...." all morning. She pronounces it "Mudder", so admittedly it is very cute. But I'm pretty sure she has it stuck in her head and it's starting to drive me a little crazy. How do you tell your 4 year old girl to please stop singing of her love for you without hurting her feelings? Can't be done.

I absolutely cannot stop myself from finishing off Laney's corndog. My brain tells me that I deserve more than eating my toddlers leftovers, but I really do like corndogs.

I've decided to face reality and am now PLANNING at least one night of ramen, toaster waffles, spaghettios or cereal every week.

I saw a '20/20' segment on people that do ridiculous things while they're driving. They had video of these folks doing their make up, reading novels, texting, eating soup, (you get the picture). It's dangerous! One lady killed a woman on her motorcycle because she was painting her nails while she drove. As I'm watching this the Spirit says to me...."Aren't you glad nobody videoed you? Maybe you should stop before you get famous for repotting a plant while you're driving" (I totallly did that.) So I now declare that I will be amongst the focused drivers. I even took my makeup bag out of my van.

I haven't worn makeup for 3 days.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


Today I went out to the backyard and picked a handful of lilacs.

I put them in one of our short glasses and set them on my nightstand, then went about my business. A little while later I walked into my bedroom to put something away and the room was awash in the the fragrance of that little bunch of lilacs.

Isn't it funny how something like a flower can be a sort of connecting force in your life? I remember there were lilac bushes that separated our front yard from our neighbor's in Payson. Every spring the lilacs were in bloom and the aroma filled the air. It surrounded everything and became connected to those memories. Those were such fun, carefree times. We would spend all summer playing Annie-I-over with the Birds and the Mays. The sun would go down and we'd play Ghost in the Graveyard. We were completely consumed with what was going on in that little neighborhood. Who was allowed to come out to play and who wasn't. Whose chores or homework wasn't done. As we got older we worried less about the games and more about who had a crush on who. I would spend long hours sitting against the chainlink fence we shared with the Bird family. Ryan was a year older than me and we would ponder the mysteries of the Universe. Life was full of perceived drama and intrigue. I realize now how sheltered and simple our lives were. We had no idea of the tragedies and actual stresses of the world. I want nothing more than to give that to my children. I don't want them to have to wrestle with reality. I want them to run and play and be filthy at the end of the day.

Maybe I planted that lilac bush because I'm trying to recreate that for them. Give them a childhood like the ones my parents gave me. Can that still be done?

Two years ago my father passed away.

We were saying goodbye to him and spending his last hours on this earth reassuring him of our love for him and our confidence that he would finally be free from the prison his body had become. Somebody brought in a vase full of fresh cut lilacs and it felt to me that all the happiness of our lives together was embodied by those flowers. They surrounded us and reminded us of all that we had lived and all that we believe. I began to understand what they mean when they say that something "fulfills the measure of its creation". I felt comforted and supported by their presence in the room.

I believe in my heart that my father felt the same way.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

Me vs. Them

They're here.

They want sugar.

2004...the first year of the war. I went to Lowe's and purchased 7 dollars worth of ant killer. It said it was safe for pets and kids after it was allowed to dry. I distinctly remember the Garden Center associate saying that it would be safe for my pets or children to "lick the baseboards" after it had dried. I was relieved because we had planned to lick the baseboards for our Family Night Activity. Not a moment to soon, aye? I sprayed, the ants died...all was well.

2005....the ants start sniffing around again in early spring. I smugly head to Lowe's for the ant killer. I flippantly apply to the baseboards and inform my children that they can continue licking after it dries.
The next morning I am shocked to find that the ants were hosting a Cinco de Mayo celebration on my countertops. They were laughing at me. They had developed an immunity to the chemicals of the year before. Darn that natural selection! The rest of the spring was spent in a feverish cesspool of internet research, tearing the cupboards apart looking for the "point of entry" and going hog wild with a calking gun. Those were dark days.

2006....I skip the whole notion of fighting them off myself. It was time to get serious. I called my friend Carin. Her husband had just started a pest control business. He and Mark made a trade....ant spray for computer repair. I am not afraid to barter with my husband's talents.
Bye bye ants! mwah ah ah ah!

2007....Not an ant to be seen. Obviously Carin's husband had used the Hydrogen bomb version of ant killer and the colony had not sufficiently recovered to stage a retaliation.

2008....Oh. They were back. They were out for revenge. I called Barry and one of his guys came out. He sprayed. I watched.


They had mutated again! They were invincible. My only choice was to move all food items away from that side of the kitchen and use the sink as little as possible. Finally the spring came to and end and I resumed washing our food before we ate it (kidding....or am I?)

2009....I am SO ready. I AM going to come out the victor. I watch the sink and I kill every ant I see. My theory is that before the actual troops come in, they send in the scouts. I kill the scouts and the battle is mine before it even gets started. Did you know that Pine Sol kills ants (and all other insects) on contact? It does. I know this because I use Pine Sol for everything and it was the most accessible thing to spray on them when I see them run for cover....which they do because they fear me. I hate to smash ants because they make your fingers stink. Go ahead and try it. You'll see what I mean. If you don't have any ants in your house in which to do this experiment, come on over. I'd be happy to let you take an ant killing shift. Does 5 to 9 work for you?