What day is this?

Okay...so I know I said that I was going to do the "go private" thing on Saturday. But seriously, I have 4 kids out of school, let's be realistic. If I am in front of the computer for more that just a few minutes, major stuff goes down out there. I tell you, they're in kahoots!

So now if you are here and are signing in as a guest, and don't want to sign up for a google account, let me know when the thirty days are up and I'll reinvite you. We could do that over and over...doesn't bother me at all...in fact, I'm sure there will be days when 'reinviting' will be a highlight. Again, you think I'm joking?

So off we go to our seventeenth trip to Wal mart. We forgot the dang grape juice for the the dang grape juice/sprite drink potion. Delish.

Welcome to the family

We have a new addition to our little fam:
That's right. A dyson, or Dysee, as I lovingly call him. Turns out when you need a vacuum so much that you are willing to spend some of your million on it, the universe (Mark) finds a way to make it happen. Thanks, babe.
(I'm sure the universe doesn't mind being called 'babe' either)

But now I'd like to take a moment to share some feelings that are near and dear to my heart.

Dear Dysee,

First off, I'd like to say how much I truly love you. You'll never know how much you have changed my life. Thank you, thank you for not pushing the cheerios around in front of you and never sucking them up. There is something particularly devastating about manually cleaning up after your vacuum. You never make me do that. Also, thank you for not making me remove your cone-like filter, go outside and whack it on the side of the house only to have all the nastiness fly into a swirling cloud of dirt, hair and dead skin cells all around me. The dogs appreciate that too.

I know these are simple things, but for a girl that has a low tolerance for housework, it means the world.

Also, Dys, while I'm at it, I have a teensy weensy confession to make. You know the other day when there was a shameful amount of cereal on the floor? I admit it! I did it on purpose! It's just that I missed you and wanted to spend a little quality time, ya know? Can you ever forgive me? I hope so. Anyway, I'll see you after movie night. mmm.....popcorn.

Love,
Maren

Zombie day 5.

Last night I tried to drain the pasta (okay fine, it was macaroni and cheese) with the dust pan.

Not on purpose.

I'm a zombie.

In a funk

Okay.

This is now day 4 of my funk. (Although I really like the word 'funk'. Just typing 'funk' is making me feel better.)

Do you ever feel like controlling your temper turns you into a mother zombie?

I have been taking so many deep breaths and talking in such an even, calm tone, I feel like I have no personality. I'm a zombie.

In a calm tone:

"Sweetheart, mommy can't help you when your screaming at me."

"How would you feel if I were screaming at you?"

"If you want to talk to me, please stop screaming."

"Honey, screaming doesn't help me to want to help you."

"Babycakes. Your screaming is hurting mommy's ears"

"Darling (I don't actually use that word), screaming for waffles isn't going to get you a waffle"

When is the SCREAMING going to stop???

I'm a zombie in a funk.

Ethics

Is it wrong that when Mathew received a coupon for a free taco at Taco Bell for good behavior at school, that I was extra excited because I knew he would take a bite, not like it and then give it to me?

mmm...that was a yummy taco.

SHE DID IT!

Laney's first ever crawl. She sounds like a little chimpanzee and it is clear she doesn't appreciate feedback while she is concentrating.

Sorry you missed it, hon.

Hope this helps.

Keepin it real

Here's last week's luxurious menu I painstakingly planned out. I tried to be thoughtful and budget conscious and imagined myself cooking a well balanced nutritious meal each night. The kids would praise my efforts and Mark would feel so loved and cared for. OH THE FAMILIAL JOY!

Mon: Beef Stroganoff, noodles, rolls
Tues: Apricot Chicken, rice, veggie
Wed: Drip Beef Sandwiches, fries
Thurs: BLTs with corn on the cob
Fri: Weinersnitzel, mashed potatoes, gravy
Sat: Lasagna, french bread, salad


Actual meals eaten last week:

Mon: scrambled eggs with ketchup
Tues: cereal (this was a big hit)
Wed: Toaster waffles
Thurs: Dino nuggets with fries
Fri: I actually made the weinersnitzel...Mark was working late and the kids refused to eat it. So they had cereal. And I ate ALL the weinersnitzel myself. Really. I'm totally serious.
Sat: ramen noodles

Looking on the bright side, there is absolutely no reason why I will need to buy groceries next week. It's all sitting right there waiting for me to get it together. Yep. Gonna do it. No problem.

Feelin the love

I have been feelin sick for about 48 hours.

In that time I have received calls from friends, neighbors, family and ward members (also my friends) asking if I might need a blessing, a meal, some help with the kids, you name it. I'm amazed. And I have to say...I feel very looked after. You guys are the best.

A Sunday afternoon wish

All I want today is my Mom and Dad and brothers and sisters with me to watch this:
Is that too much to ask? My kids don't think it's funny yet. I miss hearing John laugh (giggle) when they sing,

"Hang her head in modest way with pouting lips...with pouting li-ips
that seeeeeem to say...
oh kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me
though I die of shame-uh
please you that's the kind of maid sets my heart a flame-uh!"

sigh. Good times. sigh. Homesick...err... Familysick.

P.S. I am fully aware that some of my siblings, and definitely my dad, would view this as a hostage situation rather than a fun get together/sing along, but it is my wish...not yours...so there.

Poker chips and child labor

We've entered a new phase. The charts have lost their luster and it seems every morning I have to do a crazy angry momma dance to get my children to ready themselves for school. I can't take it anymore! If I have to have this conversation on more time, I'm gonna.....

In the car.
Mom: Boys, I have had enough of this. Why in the world does it take us and hour and a half to get ready for school?!
Boys: wide eyed stares into my reflection in the rear view mirror
Mom: What's it gonna take? Huh? What...is...it...gonna...take?
Boys: (in unison) I don't know
Mom: Something has got to give and it's got to happen now because I'm going bananas. Do you think I want to be mad? Is that fun for me?
Boys: (still unison) nooo
Mom: is that fun for you?
Boys: nooo (sounding a bit sing songy now)
Mom: alright...you have five minutes to talk and come up with some ideas about how we (by 'we' I mean 'them') can do better in the morning
5ish minutes pass
Mom: alright boys, let's hear it
Ethan: well, we could be nice to each other
Mat: and we could get ready really fast
Ethan: and we could obey and do what you say

(do these kids know what I want to hear or what?)

Mom: alright so let's (by 'lets' I mean 'you') do better tomorrow, okay?
Boys:okay, mom
Mom: in my super high positive mommy voice Okay! I'm excited!

And just for your information, I have no faith that this conversation will result in anything because we had an identical conversation YESTERDAY.

So here's what really works: doing something new. That's right. You gotta keep in fresh. So I had these plastic poker chips kicking around and I picked a color for each kiddo and wrote the 6 things they need to get done in order to be ready to walk out the door. (Dress, shoes, hair, lunch, backpack, waterbottle) and now they have to earn 6 poker chips to earn their breakfast. Labor for food. That's love.

Worked like a charm.

Seriously. My kids are getting up at 5:30 AM (I hate daylight savings....hate, hate,hate) and now they get ready in 10 minutes and we sit around for 2 more hours before we can leave the house. Lovely. But hey, I'll take it.

So all you mommas out there, send me your tricks because when the novelty of the poker chips wears off, I'll be back to talking through my rear view mirror.

Obama

I find it very interesting that posting this makes me feel stressed out. But, here goes...
Hooray!!

Make it stop

Ever had a UTI? Blech.
I'm going back to bed.
Anyone wanna adopt 2 kids for a day?
I'll throw in a bag of cheerios and a box of wipees to sweeten the deal.

Call me.