Okay, so I'm standing in front of our little microwave a few minutes ago nuking my daughter her daily corndog (I'm an awesome mom) and I notice that there is a very tiny, but very definite HOLE in the window of the microwave. I lean closer and then I scratch at it. Is it a hole? Maybe it just looks like a hole. So then (as the microwave is on, mind you) I actually PUT MY MOUTH UP TO THE HOLE and try to see if I can suck air through it. I know, I know...this is not smart behavior and I obviously have not thought this through. I'm thinking if its a no-no to stand near the micro with a pacemaker, it may not be such a great idea to suck radioactive air through the front of it WITH MY FACE.
So now I'm thinking that this little hole explains a whole lot of things that have been going on around here. Here are just a few:
1. Megan screaming at me for no apparent reason. I previously thought it was the "terrible 3's", but now I know the true cause....that's right.....THE HOLE.
2. Mathew's biting issues. Who wouldn't bite when they are being exposed thrice daily to micro waves?
3.Laney waking up at all hours of the night. Her room is right off the kitchen. Who would be able to get a good nights sleep knowing that THE HOLE is right behind that door? not me. (and believe me, I don't)
4. Ethan's inner need to tattle. Apparently being nuked on a daily basis inspires one to feel a freakish need for all to be fair. If he can't get away with it, no one will!
5. All this time I thought the dogs were barking all night because they hate me. Turns out they have been slowly mutated by the microwave. Poor things.
6. It seems that frequent radiation causes the inability to flush the toilet, wipe your own nose, and say "excuse me". It apparently also cause the words "that's disgusting" to be said at least twice during every meal.
7. THE HOLE has also been causing my laundry to multiply and replenish the earth.
8. I woke up this morning and Mark brought my attention to a booger on the wall. I'm not absolutely positive, but I'm beginning to think this may have connections to our microwave.
9. The other day we were celebrating Mark's 31st birthday. All is going along as normal, we had the birthday dinner and I was thinking we'd move right into singing/candle blowing/chocolate, right? Wrong. Mark decides he'd like to run a 10k before we have cake. A 10k? Before cake? I'm sorry folks, but that's just down right erratic behavior. Suspicious.
10. Finally, I swear I've been hearing voices. I hear a faint "Maaaareeen.....Maaaarrreeenn" coming from my nightstand drawer. I'll open it and there's nobody there. But then I notice an impressive stash of chocolate, so I might as well have some while the drawer's open, right?
Well, the good news is that all I need to do is get a new microwave and all our problems are over. Easy peasy!
Ohhhh, so that's the cause of all the meltdowns at our house too. I did notice our microwave has a crack in it. Not sure if I'm brave enough to actually put my mouth on it, but you are my hero, so if you can do it, I can do it. I'll let you know how it goes.:)
ReplyDeleteI'm off to inspect my microwave right now......these things sound too familiar.....with the exception of a 10k before cake.
ReplyDeleteHilarious
ReplyDeleteI love that you try to suck through the hole--that's totally something I would do