I owe it all to you

As I have been bouncy walking my way through the last (almost 7!) weeks, I have been pondering all of the things I have learned as a direct result to bringing these 5 souls into our lives.

1. I can now crack an egg with only one hand. I am almost always successful, but when I'm not, I can also dig out the piece of shell with one hand. Come to think of it, I can do almost anything one-handed...including make an entire meal and set the table, do the laundry (except folding tablecloths), vacuum, grocery shop, pick up an unruly toddler and deposit them in time-out, sweep and mop the floor (although I don't make this a habit), type an entire entry about what I've learned from having babies...on my blog. This is by no means a comprehensive list.

2. I have learned that there are certain things that are very awesome that will always be awesome. Those binkies they give you in the hospital. THOSE are awesome. And Pixar. Pixar rocks. In fact, if I could go back 10 years, I'd buy stock in binkies, Pixar, hot cocoa, bandaids, Netflix, microwave popcorn, magic erasers, granola bars, fruit snacks, amazon.com, blue toothpaste, toilet paper, spoons, paper towels and oreos.

3. A good vacuum makes everyone feel better.

4. It's absolutely imperative that you enjoy the good times when the good times are upon you. Don't ruin the serenity of the baby's long nap by worrying what you'll do when she wakes up. Don't worry that perhaps you shouldn't be putting the baby in the swing to go to sleep because what if she becomes dependent on that swing to sleep at all and then what will you do? No. Stop. Just enjoy. I'm here to tell you that she will not sleep in the swing forever and you might as well use it while it works. Now go take a nap....or eat oreos and watch tv....or get the dishes done...or go take a shower...whatever floats your boat.

5. It's more important to show love and be interested in the child that is speaking to you than to move on to the next task. It's like throwing the turkey dinner in the trash so you can start washing the pots and pans you used to make the whole thing. It's pointless. And yet, so very tempting.

6. Children can and should be able to get their own drinks of water and bowls of cereal at a very young age.

7. It is much easier to insist that your children do not use the words "crap" and "dangit" and "sucks" than it is to stop saying them yourself. It sucks.

8. A good hot shower can make lots of things better. So can oreos.

9. Accept help. Whenever it is offered. It's okay!

10. Be gracious. Now matter how many dozens of times I am stopped in Wal-mart by someone who insists on telling my that "my hands are full", they almost always mean well and it is much better (and faster) to be kind and say "Don't I know it!" and give a tired smile. It makes them feel good and you can finish looking for the oreos.

11. It is very important that you do not have any silverware that is the only one of it's kind. There have been wars fought and battles lost over that fork that came home accidentally from the hospital. It is special. And they will fight to the death to have it. Don't even get me started on the "Dig'em spoon". Just trust in me...I wouldn't lie to you.

12. You know those crazy broaches that get made for you around Mother's Day? The ones made out of "jewels" and puzzle pieces? Those are amazing and should be worn with honor to sacrament meeting. Save them. They are instant heirlooms.

13. Don't try to shop for clothes with toddlers or babies. They don't like it and they will make you pay. Pay so very dearly.
If you do decide that there is no other way, then bring supplies. I recommend treats, toys and electronic devices. Give them one at a time and milk each one for what it's worth. Then try on those clothes like a mad woman! You might survive. And if you're lucky, you'll find a pair of jeans.

14. You can never have enough gift bags. Tissue is optional.

15. The more stuff you bring to sacrament meeting to "distract the kids" the crazier it gets. Better to just tough it out and give them the "evil eye".

16. Don't tell them they can't eat in the living room or the car. Because you and I both know that you are going to continue to eat in both locations. That makes you a hypocrite. Just accept it.

17. Invest in a good carpet cleaner.

18. Breakfast for dinner is always a possibility.

19. Farts are funny. You will never convince them otherwise. Just laugh...you know you want to.

20. Kids make great friends. They are always up for a good time, forgive almost instantly and they will say "yes" 100 percent of the time when asked, "Should we get some more oreos?"